Does Couple Counseling Really Save Marriages?
Couple counseling is eventually where a rough marriage leads, especially when both people are seriously invested in the relationship and do not want it to end. The problem is that there is no magic in talking out your problems with an objective third party. In some cases, therapy will work magic while others will not be able to overcome an eventual separation.
Obviously, there has to be something that makes the difference between couples that eventually restore the marriage and those that simply fall apart, right?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
The correct answer is that couples who are able to pull through together are the ones that take their sessions and turn it into action at home. Here are some things to consider if you want to improve your chances of making your marriage work through counseling.
It all starts with your own attitude. If you go in defensive and ready to prove all your spouse’s thoughts and accusations wrong, then you are not really listening to what they have to say. Drop your guard and just really listen to what they are saying, not what it means about you personally.
The second step is to speak honestly and from your heart without holding back. Even if what you say might hurt your spouse, you have to get out what is hurting and hindering you in the marriage. Hopefully they will give you the same respect and listen as you did to them.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
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